Nobody likes doing hard things, but time and time again, I'm shown that it's so much easier to do them than not. The future me will thank me. The present me is already reaping the rewards.

Usually I'm backed into a corner so I have to do it anyway. It's really the torture that I can't stand at first. Consistent torture too, ongoing torture, as many of the things that are good for us are not only unenjoyable but require repetition for the rest of our lives.

But when I force myself, the process goes something like this:

1) Hate doing it but keep doing it anyway. 

2) Grudgingly get into a routine. 

3) It starts feeling normal and necessary, like brushing my teeth.

4) I start looking forward to it; life feels wrong when I don't do it.

5) Can’t live without it now because I'm much happier with it. It's even kind of fun.

---

I'll give you a bunch of examples. Let's start with the physical.

Excuse me for being dramatic, but I almost had a breakdown last year when my fascial massage therapist, who was helping me unknot some sports-related issues, suggested that I amp up my strength training. 

I'd learned to lift years ago after purchasing a personal training package at the gym. But I had dreaded every session. While working with trainers is helpful because they correct your form, they also push you past what feels comfortable. Whenever I got used to lifting a certain amount of weight, they'd happily add more plates so I'd continue to struggle. I was in the best shape of my life and I was miserable.

I started questioning things. Did I really need to be deadlifting over 100 pounds? Was it necessary for me to be training like a professional athlete? I had to do this three times a week with no end in sight. I felt trapped. I didn't even finish my package and told my trainer to offer the remaining sessions to someone else. I quit the gym and joined a ballet barre studio, which was way more fun. From then on, I spent years trying out every type of workout class, from indoor rowing to Pilates to CrossFit to spin class and Muay Thai boxing. It was all fine, and I still rotate through many of these workouts today, but nothing helped me build muscle more than strength training three times a week.

And now, it was apparent that I needed to get back into it if I wanted to reduce the risk of injury while playing sports and doing other activities. I also wanted to lift for longevity, since we tend to lose muscle mass as we get older, especially if we don’t work to maintain it. Not only do I want to be able to do basic things like climb stairs and open jars when I'm a senior, I plan to keep challenging myself and trying new activities. If this 91-year-old man can skateboard, I still have plenty of time to learn. I want to get better at tennis, walk the Camino de Santiago, and learn to surf.

At first I resisted strength training three times a week. I started with once or twice. While some people may like having a personal trainer there to motivate them, I learned I prefer to lift alone while listening to my own music and audiobooks. I like the freedom to work out at my own pace and even scale back on the weights if I'm not feeling well that day.

I just needed to do things on my own terms. Eventually, I amped it up to three times a week. I don't know when the switch happened, but now I look forward to going to the gym. I think my soul is happy, knowing I finally surrendered to the discipline of doing what's good for my body.

Because my goal is simply to get stronger, I'm fine with my progress being slow. Consistency is what matters. This is a lifelong habit, and I know eventually I'll be able to do pull-ups, and maybe cool calisthenics stuff, if I keep at it. For now, everyday life is so much easier now that I'm in a stronger body. Lifting heavy things has been a breeze. I tend to carry stress in my neck and shoulders, and even as a teen, at my supposed athletic peak, I'd have aches and pains in those areas. I took a trip this summer, and usually on plane rides, I'd feel those aches, but this time, nothing.

Pin

It took me way too long to come around to strength training, especially since I know I can be disciplined in other areas of my life. I suppose there has to be enough motivation to get started before it can become a habit. We have to really choose it.

Meditation is something that a lot of people seem to avoid like the plague. Even some of the seasoned spiritual teachers I know don't do it. For most of my life, I wasn't motivated to do it either. Who wants to sit in silence and listen to the garbage rattling around our heads? It's easier to fill up our calendars and distract ourselves from ourselves at all costs. I gave meditation a go here and there throughout the years, but only after reading Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza did I understand that this was something I wanted to master.

If thoughts create reality, then I have to control my thoughts. Meditating helps me overcome myself. You can read more about my experiences in the meditations I recommend and my experience at Dr. Joe's weeklong advanced retreat. I will say here that at his retreats, I managed to tap into the feeling of total peace. It's not always easy to get there, but now that I've had a taste of it, I want to keep tapping into that state and stay there as long as possible.

Another thing I love doing that I notice others tend to resist is changing their subconscious beliefs. I teach this now in my Alchemy Healing Substack. When I had my first energy healing session as a client, I broke down crying. It's not easy to face our deepest fears and traumas, but I'd rather release them than have to drag around all this invisible baggage. I think people, even those who are spiritual, tend to avoid this because it's a messy process. You never know what painful memories might come up that you'll have to reckon with. I've been doing it for years, so it's now second nature for me to do deep clearing. I even find it fun, but only because I got over the initial hump of torture.

To be able to do hard things, the desire has to be greater than the desire to stay in the comfort zone. If someone is fine with the status quo, that's their choice, but sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for them to change and take action. I don't know about you, but I'm tired of being backed into corners, so I'd rather be proactive.

I'm not talking about doing things that are hard for the sake of them being hard as some sort of exercise in resilience. I'm talking about the things we know deep down that are good for us, but we resist for one reason or another. They are usually investments that pay dividends for the rest of our lives. You know what they are.

I'll leave you with one last example.

A friend has been dodging a former roommate for months. He kept trying to make contact and visiting shared third spaces, asking around for her. Months later, she was still trying to avoid this guy, calculating how she could get him his mail without having to interact with him. When she told me all this, I put my head in my hands and cry-laughed. I told her that she was spending way too much time and energy trying to avoid him. All she needed to do was communicate that she no longer wanted to be friends. Eventually, she did. It would've saved her a few months of effort if she'd done the hard thing immediately. But sometimes we like to torture ourselves a little until we get to the torture that's actually good for us.